AAAAAuuuuuuGGGGG!!!!!!

Insert picture of good ol' Charlie Brown here.....you know the one with him, his head back screaming AAuuGGGG! I need to scream at the top of my lungs!! LIKE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everything & everyone is making me want to just say....beat it.

Friends & Neighbors

9 years ago this coming July, we moved into our home on Rambo St. We are #9.....my new neighbor at #3 was Winnie. Winnie just happened to be a lifelong friend of my moms. So I have known her my entire life as well. What luck to have Winnie as my neighbor. She made us feel part of the block right away.

After I had Joey she was a lifesaver. I could run to her house at any time & ask her to watch Joey. I would bring him to her or she would come sit here while he was sleeping. About a year or so later she started watching her grandson. Joey & Kyle became fast friends. We would sit outside while the boys played with chalk, bubbles or rode their bikes. I now had company as I stood on the corner with Joey to watch the never ending trains passing! When I doubted my parenting skills, she regaled me with stories of raising her boys & never made me feel like a horrible mom for feeling the way I did. She loved my boys like they were her own grandkids. and they loved her like a grandmom.

When she got sick I felt helpless. I did not know what to do or say. I was always offering my help. But ever the stubborn woman she refused. It was hard to watch her the last few years grow older & sicker.

Last week she was brought home from the hospital & put on hospice. Selfishly I was glad, because I just couldn't go to say goodbye to her at the hospital. I had so much to thank her for. She was more than my mom's friend. She was my saving grace & my friend. Calvin & I got to spend her last days with her & her family. What a truly wonderful gift that was. I got to say what I needed to, even though she was not conscience. she got to leave us on her own terms & damn if she didn't do it her way!

Yesterday I heard someone come out of her house & it hit me....I will never hear her call my name again, or yell hi to the boys.

Thank you Winnie! You will be missed by all the Rambo St Gang!

How I Met Your Father.....

13 years ago my husband lost his BFF, Joe McDevitt. I had known Joe most of my life. He was also my sister's neighbor. George & Joe became best buds in HS. I had seen George around, and to be honest I did not like him. Apparently Joe & my sister had the great idea to try & get us together. I remember my sister talking him up, but I was "seeing" someone else & just really not interested! Then a few months later at my nieces 16th bday party George & Joe were there. well let me tell you sparks flew and it wasn't love...we bickered! HAHAHAHAHA! Still had no interest.

Fast forward a few months.....The early morning of March 14th. get a call from my sister telling us that the McDevitt house was on fire & did I know where so & so was? (So & so was an old friend of mine who dated Joe's cousin.) My mom & I go up to Prospect Ave. Everyone is standing in the street. I looked up the street & saw George standing there just looking so heartbroken. I have no idea why but I just felt the need to go to him. He was sitting on the side of someones house. I went & just sat with him. He knew what the others were not positive of. Joe was in the house. (he & his brother & cousin were unaccounted for.) He had been out with Joe the night before. They had a good time, went their separate ways to their respective homes. Then they talked on the phone, Joe was making himself something to eat. An hour or so later George go the call.

It was so devastating. Joe was 23 & had a brilliant career ahead of him. There was just something about George that drew me to him. We worked in the same shopping center. Me at Peppers him at the beer distributor. After the funeral I would stop in to check on him.

Then as they say the rest is history......George & I went on our first date 3 weeks later, where I fell in love with him! we have been together since, Joe must have really wanted us together.

So I guess I really need to say THANK YOU to Joe for bringing Me & George together & for Joesph Patrick & Calvin Reid.

It is amazing since then how many deaths, births, marriages & divorces we have been trough together.

Potty Talk.....

I have been wanting to do a potty talk topic for awhile 7 have been lazy about writing.

When joey started on the potty 3 years ago, I would sit on the step stool while he sat on the potty. He would talk & talk, ask questions(does god poop is the one that stands out.) I would be so annoyed & just want to get out of the small bathroom.....cant stand small places. this went on for some time until he didn't need me anymore which was with in the last year or so. I would get so mad at myself for being impatient because I should have taken it for what it was for, a time to bond with my son.

So history is repeating itself in the form of Calvin. And this time I was on the potty & he started to ask about my......(fill in the blank!) Telling me it was like chocolate. Then he wanted to see it & told me he liked my poo. MY goodness, where does he come up with this stuff?

Anyway, I am back to sitting on the step stool as Calvin sits on the potty. Asking questions & telling me stuff. still feeling a little impatient, but trying to enjoy our "quality time" together!

Not gonna make it...

Joey is home sick...he is pukey, :o( Unfortunately he doesn't know how to be sick.......He wants to eat.....he wants to drink. I asked if he wanted to go up & lay in my bed & he said he would be lonely.

Calvin is driving me crazy. I have almost cried twice. I am starting to feel like crap now too. And to top it off I didn't get to have a Sweet Tea today.

Kindergarten Kid....

So next Tues Sept. 7th marks Joey's first day of kindergarten. And I am more then ready to send him off!

In the beginning of June Joey was tested at Bport Elem to see whether he would be in full or half day kindergarten. Me, thinking my son would have no problems testing was going around, saying, "Oh he wont get into full day, he is too smart." (the full day is an "intervention" program) Then the letter came......"We are delighted to inform you of Joey's acceptance into the Full Day Kindergarten program...." I cried. WTH? What makes my son "at risk?" I dont' think the test results reflect his true abilities. Will the stupid kids bring him down? I was crushed. I sat on the news for awhile, to embarrassed to say anything. I was frantically emailing the guidance counselor. So after emailing with the counselor, I find out he scored in the average range. To be honest I knew he didn't do as well as he could have as soon as the test was over. And that they needed to fill space in the class. I had the option of declining the full day. SO I talked to a few people...my SIL, another mom that I am acquainted with & really doesn't know Joey very well, the director from Good Shepherd & finally my sister. All of whom said, it would be a great opportunity for him, he will benefit from it. SO I emailed the counselor & said we would take it, but would like it if he could have Mrs so & so....

So we go to orientation last week & I am happy to say that I got the teacher we wanted! I know this is a great opportunity for him & that the moms in the other UMASD schools would kill for a full day Kindergarten. I think he needs something that is just his & has nothing to do with Calvin. I think he & Calvin desperately need to be away from each other! It will give me more time with Calvin, which he needs!

But now I am going to have to start packing a lunch for him EVERY day, start making sure we are up by 7.15am, get at least Joey fed, dressed & out the door by 8.30. Do you think I can do it?? LOL We have been waking up early this week so we can start getting into our new routine.

I think he is excited. But as anyone with a boy knows, they are not every forthcoming with the "deets"!

Hopefully I can make it thru the morning w/o getting emotional! I am very excited for him!

What am I doing Wrong??????

I feel like crying tight now. I wish I knew why I can't get my kids to listen & not fight me on everything. I see some kids who dont give their parents a hard time. I am on edge all the time. I am YELLING ALL the time. And I hate it. I feel like a raving lunatic. I guess I need to change me medication to something a bit stronger! LOL All day long it is mom mom mom.....I fear that Joey is becoming lazy or maybe just being a ty[ical man, he cant seem to do anything by himself. Do this, do that, i need. Just get the frick up & do it, or if your dad is here ask him!!!!!!!!! All i want is to have 2 nice little boys who dont hit, head butt, talk back, fight, listen. Is that too much to ask! I dont want them hating me b/c all i do is yell. Joey told to me that I don't like him b/c I screamed at him last night, that made me feel like SHIT! I told him I do like him, i just dont like the way he is behaving! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

Handsome...

The other night I was sitting next to Joey at the kitchen table.....I looked over at him & was struck by how handsome he has become! He was a beautiful baby & an adorable toddler, but then he was sort of goofy looking. ( I know, terrible mother!) Not sure how to explain it, I guess he was in a transition stage. But know he is looking like a little boy, I guess his face has thinned out a bit, maybe that is what it is. He is a great big brother(for the most part), I see him really trying to take Calvin under his wing. And Calvin will do & say just about anything that Joey does. It is just too funny.





I guess that I am having a hard time coming to terms with the losing of the teeth, starting kindergarten stuff. What happened to my rambunctious baby!! I am entering a whole new world & I am scared.

Then there is my sonny boy...Calvin. He is so tough. I can't quite get a read on him. He is funny, strong willed, stubborn, dramatic & fast! I think he has OCD tendencies. He gets so crazy when things are not just so! He is so smart...I an amazed by the things he says & does. Both of the boys are quick learners. Joey from the beginning would just sit back & observe all that was going on around him. He could see or hear something & be doing it a short time later. Calvin repeats everything in no time at all. He just repeats everything we say. I am a bit scared about how smart he is! I would LOVE to keep him a baby a little while longer, but I don't think that I will be able to do anything about that!!!

Am I a terrible mom??????

So, recently I find that i don't like the kind of mom that I am. I am always yelling & doing all that I can to not interact with Joey & Calvin. I was flipping through the channels the other night & happened upon Super Nanny........She was talking to the mom about using a firm tone, when I try that I am yelling. So I ask what is the difference between a firm tone & yelling b/c I can not differentiate feel such guilt....my kids are basically good boys, they are just hard wired to be active & need to be out running around. I just am getting so lazy these days. So I am going to try this weekend to get them outside., be a little more patient, & just let them be little boys.

Sometimes Joey & Calvin just drive me CRAZY.....I made a comment to Geo that sometimes I just want to hurt them. I would NEVER EVER hurt them, but there are just times I don't know what to do. So hubby kind of scolds me for saying this, I in turn say that there are other moms who feel the same way & it is normal. Isn't he the person I should be able to be my most honest self with? I fly off the handle so easily....

On to good news....we had Joey's parent/teacher conference today. He is doing so well & I am so impressed with the progress he has made since September. I am in awe of the things that he is learning. Just a few improvements in the department of being easily distracted & talking too much! Not surprised by that at all, he is after all my son, just like his mommy! I am so proud of him...He is reading for good old Kindergarten. Have an appt scheduled for March 17th to register him & Calvin is registered for his first year at Good Shepherd! My how fast time flies!

Bah humbug!

So I am just going to start rambling & may not make sense. I was getting excited about Christmas. we decided to change how we handle Christmas eve/day this year. trying to focus on what we would like to do for our family of 4. Well a wrench was thrown into our plans. So now I am not sure what is going to happen. i really want it to be about Joey & Calvin this year, but we will see. Just seems like for a time of the year that is supposed to be holly jolly, merry & bright it is nothing but complete & utter bullshit. People are rude, nasty, selfish & just plain ridiculous. People need to put on their big kid underwear, take their big kid pill & grow the frick up!

In other news...I was so proud of Joey today...he was a wise man in his show at school & he was wonderful......he sang & did the moves! In the last few weeks I have noticed an increased love of learning, I am so excited! he is a wonderfully smart & funny boy! He is also very stubborn mouthy & just annoying sometimes.

I really need to keep up with this blog stuff so I can get my frustrations out.....

Growing up

So I was just thinking how fast my baby is growing up. As I carry him to the bathroom to go pee every night, I remember carrying him like that to bed at night, except he fit in my arms better! I am thinking how I mourned the loss of the crib, ginky, quack quack & snoopy. But he has surprised me by carrying quack quack around every so often and switching up the buddies he carries around. He is almnost 5....where did the time go? When did he become a little person that tells me I am mean(LOL) that he is sorry, do I forgive him? Or ask us how we are feeling if we were sick. I mean really? Who is this kid. He is so much like me sometimes it is scarey.

I miss when it was just him & I snuggin on the couch in the morning while he had milk(before he demanded breakfast right away & before we had to hurry out the door for school) we did/do everything together. when I am away from him for some much deserved time to myself I wonder what he is doing & want to be home with him! Then as soon as I am home he quickly starts getting on my nerves! But in retrospect I wold ot have him any other way!

I LOVE YOU JOEY!!!

Random Rants......

I have had many a thought running through my head today. Most of which I am sure that I have forgotten....but first I have to say....REALLY?!? Wedge heeled sandals at the playground? Who the hell dresses like that for an hour on the playground? Ok enough on that subject!

With school having ended I am going to be spending alot more time with Joey. Joey is a smart, funny, beautiful, exasperating, annoying little boy. I am so very lucky that my child can hear, talk, etc., but sometimes I just wish he would STOP!!!!! We took a 5 minute walk to WaWa this evening....he must have asked 100 questions. Some I can answer, most I can not. He is such a sweet little boy, but in the blink of an eye he can turn nasty. He fights me every step of the way. I need to remember that he is a child & does not know any better. I am the adult...I need to change the way I react to him. Problem is I grew up in a house of yellers. Therefore even after swearing that I would NOT be like my parents, here I am screaming at my babies. I open my mouth & I hear my mother. My God that is the last thing I want! I have watched a friend of mine & how she deals with her child & I am in awe of her. I know that people are looking at me when I am in public freaking out at my kids ready to call child services! LOL......

I often look at "other moms" and feel so inadequet. They have better behaved kids, more patience. After getting to know some of the moms I have come to find out that they too are struggling with motherhood. Still there are others that I just dont get. Anyway enough for now!

So here goes......Dont have anything really profound to say right now! Just testing the blog waters! Calvin was really trying my patience today. I know he is only 19 months old, but boy is he a terror. Good for him he is cute:o) Climbing where he shouldn't be, screeching like a howler monkey, throwing food. Joey was not much better this weekend. He is for the most part a good listener, but this weekend he has decided to delberatly disobry us. Then has the nerve tobe mad at us for issuing a consequence & following thru!